Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
