she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it's like heaven, but drunker
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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