I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
