weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
