I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm sobbing to NWA
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
