Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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