I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize