Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just google imaged poop.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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