I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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