Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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