70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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