does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
