Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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