So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
