So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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