Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
