i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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