Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
