Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You may now shotgun with the bride
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
