You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
