Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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