theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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