I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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