i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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