plz talk dirty to me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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