why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
