I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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