Already got asked if we're dating
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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