I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Two words: blizzard sex
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
