You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
