Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
