It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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