It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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