I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
