Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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