don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
