I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
