im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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