I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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