Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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