people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
