Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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