Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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