I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
