I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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