Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
