he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
