it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
