Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
