dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
