Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
