everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
