apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
