Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
