Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
