your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
