U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Too much gin, very little bucket
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Someone stole a lamp last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
