he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
