3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
