Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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