dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
