i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
