Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
