i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
