I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No subtext here. People are naked.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
