my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize