Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
