he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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